So often when we want to say something to someone, we think about what we are going to say. We take time to choose the words we are going to use to get our message across. But did you know that how you say the words is just as important if not more important than the actual words that you say?
Take this example – you’ve spent the evening in the local bar with a woman you met for the first time and you think you would love to meet her again. Before you part ways for the night, she says, “I’ll call you”. Just three little words but the way she says it will tell you a lot about whether or not she is really going to call you.
If she says it very casually and turns to leave even before she’s finished the sentence, you should know that the chances are you are never going to hear back from her. But if she says “I’ll call you” with a smile on her face and she lingers on, even if just for a moment, before she turns and leaves, you can bet you are going to be hearing from her sometime soon.
It really is true – how you say it can speak volumes about what you really mean. When you speak, there are three aspects that get communicated.
• One is the verbal element, which includes the words that you say.
• The second is the visual element, which includes your body language, the way you smile and your hand movements.
• The third is the vocal element, which includes the intonation, the resonance and the projection that carry the words.
When you want to communicate with somebody positively, you have to watch all three of these elements.
Let’s say you are meeting a woman after a long time and you want to convey to her how happy you are to meet her. Saying “It’s been really great meeting you after such a long time” is something that would come naturally but it’s the way you say it that would make a big difference.
When you say the words in a warm enthusiastic tone accompanied by a smile on your face and a warm hug or a firm handshake will give her the message that you are truly happy to meet her. The reason this works is because the animation and positive energy of your face and body are consistent with the enthusiasm and excitement of your voice.
On the other hand, if you deadpan the words with a straight face and no effort to shake hands or give her a hug, the words will come across as insincere and forced. This is because your body language and your actions are inconsistent with the words.
The next time you are talking to a member of the opposite sex don’t forget to pay equal attention to what you say as well as how you say it. Women are very intuitive and how you deliver the message will tell her immediately whether or not you meant what you said.